January 2019 – Middle Month Oracle Forecast

This year I’ve predicted that this month will be hallmarked by healing, and I definitely still stay true to that interpretation. In the first 2 weeks of January we witnessed the release of the Surviving R Kelly documentary series, and that Cynotia Brown was granted clemency and will be released August 2019. While these are great strides towards healing, I urge everyone to be patient (especially when it comes to the healing you’re going through in your own life). Healing is a journey, and often a long one filled with twists, turns, and obstacles. Receiving legal justice in the United States of America does not make. break, or define the healing process. The survivors of R Kelly are still carrying the scars Robert had inflicted on them, and while investigations are being done in Georgia and Chicago, he still walks. Cyntonia Brown may be able to begin her life in August, but that’s still 7 months away. She still has to recover from familial trauma, the trauma of sexual abuse and trafficking, the abuse by the legal system, the abuse of the prison system, and the stigma that comes with her identify.

I remain optimistic though, we can still heal. I know many of you are dealing with less than fortunate situations, I myself am still healing from my traumas (and still learning how they show up in my life). That is ok, healing is a journey.

What we are holding onto:  Ephemeral

The concept of survival alone doesn’t seem of much significance, but until you bring into context that we are survivors of circumstance, trauma, and adversity. We are more than mouth feeders just staying afloat, we are fighters dismantling invisible powers to be. The pain from our battle wounds are still healing, many of them are still open flesh wounds. What I am reading from this card is that many of us are holding onto false ideas of what healing should look like; a lot of blame and deflection is going around. We may have hopes of people changing, despite the realities that we are presently being faced with. Perhaps we feel as though we should instantly be ok now that we have exited toxic situations, ignoring the fact that we still don’t know all the places where we got hurt yet. Let go of the idea that healing is this small package that we can neatly wrap with a bow, healing is more like a forest fire that even after we put out we are still left with the burns. Being kind with yourself means being fair with yourself, don’t expect perfection from impatient people and situations.

What has a hold on us: Abundance 

The will the live has a hold of us y’all! I think overtime this card will come into context for us, if it hasn’t already. I do believe that energies around us will begin to bring blessings and gifts into our lives. May your health improve, let your friends love you, have your family of choice around you. I won’t pretend to know what factors surround you, but I do pray that the positive ones are taking your hand right now. Keep your eyes opened for that friend that stays by your side no matter what, appreciate them. You have a pet that always keeps your spirits high, buy them a treat and appreciate their presence in your life. If you can’t identify a positive factor in your life, identify that you are the positive factor in your life. Sometimes we can’t see the wealth that life has provided us, or we identify it too materially or externally. As where those types of wealth are nice, we are also blessed with gifts that can be found within us. Sing today, write today, run today, celebrate you today. What has a hold of us are the most beautiful things in life, let them embrace you.

What energy accompanies us: Build

Yup, you guessed it! Capricorn energy surrounds us, lets welcome it. Capricorns may get a bad rep for being such married-to-work loners, but at the beginning of the year, at the beginning of our collective healing, that energy may be exactly what we need. We need the ability to self-isolate if need be, to take space for ourselves! What I truly love about capricorns is that they are such advocates for themselves when they want to be, they ain’t letting you get in the way of their finances/deadlines/work/school/projects/goals. Identify what you need, develop a plan, identify obstacles, create a timeline, and execute. It’s important to recognize that even though things aren’t fair and healing isn’t complete, we must still celebrate how far we’ve come. R Kelly has investigations being conducted against him, we are having conversations about Black girls being hyper-sexualized and exploited. I am so proud of the team that worked on the Surviving R Kelly documentary, and the survivors that came out (y’all did that!). I am so happy that Cyntoia is receiving clemency, y’all were effortlessly fighting with this Woman. We are limitless, and we are powerful. Don’t you for a second forget how absolutely capable you are; now go achieve your goals.

Advice to combat challenges: Tribulation 

Please don’t be discouraged, when towers fall a lot of rubble follows. The world feels like a mess right now, and I get it, that’s a lot to digest. I am disgusted by the horror stories we are hearing about the world, but it’s scary to witness any tower that falls. We are breaking down a lot of toxic towers my loves, rape culture, racism, misogynoir. We would be fooling ourselves to not expect sights to be ugly before, during and even after we see the collapse. My advice for this middle month reading is to remember, as ugly as things look right now, we are getting closer to the healing we desire. There will be no healing without anger, there will be no healing without sadness. Let yourself feel all the emotions that come up for you, accept reality as you are seeing it so you can act appropriately. Develop a plan for yourself based off what’s happening around you, and I bet my last dollar that you’ll start seeing results later on in the year.

How Do We Fill the Empty Feeling?

One of my best friends texted me last week expressing that she was “Sick and tired of being sick and tired.” That quote resonates with me all too well, both from experience and observation. Life is hard, and when you’re young it can be so overwhelming because you’re just starting to figure things out (I don’t think we ever totally do). In high school we might be facing difficulties fitting in, and social relationships might seem intimidating. In early adulthood we are a bit more self focused, trying to chase enjoyable moments and career prospects. In young adulthood, I’ve found that now life seems to be a balancing act. I am juggling my personal health, relationships and dating, friendships and social relationships, my career, my free time, and a ton of social responsibility. Admittedly, I am still trying to figure it all out.

For most of my life I found that I seemed to be carrying this empty feeling inside of me. I felt like an ominous Black hole that was unwilling to be fed; and even if it was hungry I didn’t know what to feed it. I carried that feeling with me when I hung out with my friends; “Do they really want me here?” I had the feeling when I was with lovers; “They are all just going to leave me, right?” I think I even became familiar with that feeling when I was around family; “I’ve always felt pretty alone.” I’ve tried to fill the feeling with food, sex, money, shopping, and alcohol; “I think these things make me feel worse about myself.” I did try less dysfunctional ways of fulfilling myself, I would confide in friends, attend group therapy, individual therapy, take medication; “I still feel so f**king empty.” Depression was something I’ve faced for the majority of my life, then with age came anxiety. College and graduate school were difficult for me for a number of reasons, I felt like I wasn’t represented and I felt misunderstood. With experiences though, came the ability to put words to my frustrations. I could pinpoint what made me feel empty:

  • Lack of representation
  • Lack of community
  • Being around toxic people
  • Not making enough time for myself

Then I learned the importance of self awareness, understanding self, and expressing self. I realized that yes I may not have control over the circumstances I am under, nor may I have control over the events that unfold before me. But what I do have control over is my ability to exist in the present, and my attempts to plan for the future. I realized that a lack of representation and community went hand and hand, so I decided to intentionally befriend more Black women around me. Being around toxic people in many cases is inevitable; “Sometimes you just have to grin and bare it at work.” But other times you can either cut those people out of your life even if it’s difficult; “Call it radical self love.” Which led me to not making enough time for myself, this was something I could control. I’ve been filling my space with plants, which requires me to take time out of my day to care for them. I find it peaceful, when I give to them it feels like I give to myself. I am also learning not to make solid plans on weekends, and I am forcing myself 30 minutes every day (sometimes I skip) to exercise. Even though it seems like a small amount of time, the time we allot for ourselves adds up, and I think that pieces of our self esteem do as well.

It’s been 3 months that I’ve made changes for myself, and I don’t feel so empty anymore. I don’t feel so depressed, and I don’t have such high levels of anxiety. Mental health and wellness isn’t an easy, and I’d argue it’s a life long effort (as we change the way we love ourselves may have to as well). There are going to be days where you’re going to be rocking it with mental health; “I’m so happy for you!” Then there are going to be days where you’re just too tired to heal yourself; “That’s ok, there’s tomorrow.” But I hope that you start to see yourself as worth putting other aspects of your life on hold, and deserving of treating yourself with the love you are seeking to receive.

I welcome you to comment ways you can exercise loving yourself; “what’s worked for you?”